Dating an older man: why, where, and how to start dating an older man

Dating tips
October 5, 2019

The main problem with dating is that the age of body and soul doesn’t always match. Even if you are supposed to be compatible with people in their 20s-30s (on the biological level), you could be on entirely different dimensions of mental maturity.

This is the primary reason why dates between younger girls and older men are more relaxed. The good thing is, it’s not as looked upon as it used to be. Dating an older man is nearly becoming a trend. And this applies not only to escorts sites.

Let’s break some stereotypes

Instead of relying on he-said-she-said and worrying about prejudices, it’s better to take the word of people who have been in long- and short-term sugar relationships. We might throw a pinch of our own experience as well, sharing what we learned from PURE’s users.

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Prejudice #1 — No fire in intimate relationships

This one goes dismounted the first, simply because it’s far from being true. Comments on the AskWomen thread on Reddit have a lot of success stories to share about that — ad our users’ experience falls in line.

Here are the main patterns that prove to be true for age-gap sexual relationships.

  • Older partners don’t give a damn about your small body imperfection. Getting rid of body shaming insecurities is ta sure step to make intimate relationships better. Now, you get to own your body, in all of its aspects.
  • Your partner cares more about your satisfaction rather than his.
  • It doesn’t have to be sex. Mature partners are much more attentive about other tender moments — casual touching, massage sessions, cuddling.
  • Awareness is what your partner wants from you and himself. Experience matters a lot here.

The privilege of dating older men lies in acceptance. They are typically less demanding from you and more aware of their capacities: less talk, more action.

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Prejudice #2 — Money, power, glory

The rule of the thumb is, if someone calls you a gold-digger, that’s just jealousy talking. Sure, these stereotypes are justified — there are plenty of cases when money plays a central part in the relations. Still, these cases are rather unique, and you don’t have to live up to this unpleasant image.

Still, it’s crucial to make sure that your older man-lover understands your motivation about the relationships. Communicate to your partner all the reasons of why you are together, make sure he feels cherished regardless of monetary or professional status.

  • Build an independent career. To get the stereotypes of your head, you need to be your person.
  • Complement your partner. It’s essential to make him feel your love; otherwise, social prejudices can have a tremendously negative impact on your relationships.
  • Talk to other age-gap couples. It’ll help you to get some perspective and understand how others are coping with the same prejudice.
dating older man - Dating an older man: why, where, and how to start dating an older man

Prejudice #3 — No long-term relationships

In reality, the primary advantage of dating someone ten years older is that you can opt both for casual dating and serious relationships. Unlike younger dates, more grown partners have enough emotional and intellectual maturity to sustain a lasting relationship and even start a family if that’s what you are after.

The best part is, you can talk about your intentions right away. The level of pettiness in relationships with the age difference is much lower than in a typical 20s-30s range.

Five reasons to date an older partner

Now that we’ve debunked three central stereotypes about May-December relationships, it’s time to hit the nail on the head and cut to the chase. Let’s take a look at how having al older partner can influence your life in positive ways and tips on how to date an older man.

how to date an older man - Dating an older man: why, where, and how to start dating an older man

1. Motivation for growth

Even though age doesn’t necessarily equal knowledge, chances of meeting a highly-educated person are much higher if you raise the age bar. Your partner is likely to have much more work experience and perhaps a better education. This is a perfect environment for personal growth — and your partner can (and should) become a driver for self-development.

  • Take an interest in global events and politics. With age, people become more aware of the news and form a deeper understanding of the processes around them. If you want to be on the same page with your partner, start reading the Wall Street Journal or New York Times.
  • Learn from your partner. Take care to find out what your date is knowledgeable in, and ask to share some of that expertise.

Even if a relationship doesn’t work out, you’ll be a well-versed person with multiple interests — and that’s useful both in romance and on a CV.

dating older men - Dating an older man: why, where, and how to start dating an older man

2. Getting practical advice

Older men have experiences in maintaining other relationships, switching jobs, paying taxes, and managing their finances. These aspects of life require knowledge, and it’s nice when your partner can lend a hand with such matters. After all, love is not all about flowers and rings; you got bills to pay — and it’s best to do it with someone who knows how.

  • Discuss financial matters at the beginning of the relationship, especially if you have much less money. When dating someone older, it’s especially important to keep track of what you owe to your partner. Otherwise, that financial gap will always be the elephant in the room.
  • Encourage practical discussions. We love ourselves some breathtaking romance, but to truly get to know a person, you should initiate down-to-business conversations. Not only you’ll learn a lot about matters at hand, but also, you might see the partner in a new light — and it’s not always pretty.
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3. Attention and caring

Young guys often take girls for granted. Some older guys do too, but it’s much less common. Usually, you’ll end up in a caring, almost family-like relationship where he will sincerely want you to succeed in life and encourage your career.

While you don’t want to be stuck in a daughter’s position, you also don’t want to get entirely rid of a paternal attitude. Isn’t that the whole point of the relationship, to find someone who would willingly protect and support you? Be sure, however, to watch out for patronizing — that’s the ugly side of the coin.

  • Talk about boundaries. Caring can be suffocating, but the worst part is, your partner might sincerely not see the hurt in you. What for you would feel like a cage to them seems like a protective fortress. So, let him know at the beginning of the relationship, where for you caring ends and manipulation begins.
  • Reminding that you have parents. Letting him meet your family could help a lot, just so your partner can see that you have people in your corner.
dating someone 10 years older - Dating an older man: why, where, and how to start dating an older man

4. You can be direct

If playing hard to get isn’t your favorite strategy, you can breathe out with ease, because an older partner would much prefer direct communication. Your date may already have busy careers and a lot of interests. Naturally, he’d prefer to be focused on things that matter, not playing conquest games.

  • Be the first to ask him out. He might want to date you but hesitant about approaching you — not all women are open to relationships with an age difference. Be considerate about this and be the first one to show a green light.
  • Hold on to your promises. Older partners appreciate the ability to live up to commitments (they have seen their share of broken promises and missed phone calls).
dating an older guy - Dating an older man: why, where, and how to start dating an older man

5. Ambition is valued

If your previous younger dates expected your world to revolve around them, you would find a live-and-let-live attitude from older men quite refreshing. Such a partner will not be jealous and intimidated by your success since he’s already most likely outweighs you in professional achievements.

  • You can ask for career assistance and make useful connections.
  • Although it’s best to build an independent carrier, you can go into the professional field of your partner if you have a passion for it. However, if your relationship falls apart, your reputation could take a hit.

How to start dating an older guy

There are several roads that you can take to find a partner. The first one, a more complicated and old-fashioned one, is going to ideal meeting places where older men are more likely to spend time. Expensive restaurants, libraries, bars, exhibitions — these are the best places for entering a more mature crowd. Another way, a much simpler one, is to use online dating. Older guys use online dating services just as much as millennials do. Busy with their careers, they don’t have time to fish for love in public places, and instead, prefer dealing with laid out profiles and precise matching algorithms.

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Choosing the best dating service for relationships with older men

  • It has to be premium. If you don’t want to scroll through thousands of inexperienced college students, going to an exclusive platform is your only option. Steer clear of OG dating sites like Tinder or Bumble. Instead, choose a more custom service with a selective user pool.
  • Choose geo-based services. Love transcends time and space, but commuting 100 miles to see your partner stops feeling romantic very quickly. A 5-10 mile radius is an optimal distance.
  • Respect your privacy. Find a dating service that doesn’t require you to uncover the deepest parts of your soul. Detailed descriptions may help with long-term relationships, but they also leave you vulnerable.
  • Make sure the communication is encrypted. If the website’s server is hacked, you don’t want your messages and attachments ending up in public.
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Start with Pure — an exclusive dating platform

While being one of the most popular dating sites in the United States, Pure puts quality over quantity. Because it’s not such a mainstream dating service, it attracts people who are genuinely committed to a relationship. No just-for-fun attitudes. You can find a match nearby within five minutes, and go on the actual date within an hour.

Let’s take a closer look at how the service works.

  1. You register an account in 2-3 minutes, specifying only essential dating information — name, age, height, location. If you have a serious relationship in mind, you can write a detailed description of your interests and expectations.
  2. Go to the map and specify the search radius (we recommend 5-10 miles). You’ll see accounts, available in your area — now you can browse each profile, compare, and make a decision. It doesn’t have to be one profile; you can contact as many matches as you please.
  3. Start chatting in a smart messenger — you can send texts, pictures, file attachments, voice memos. The coolest part is, all contents will disappear within an hour, so absolutely no one can peek.
  4. No ghosting. Because your online communication will self-destruct in 60 minutes, you will have to go on a live date. No foreplay, unrealistic expectation, and ignorance — everyone wins.
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Why date an older man on Pure

The platform encourages direct communication and time-efficient conversations. When you have one hour to find out as much as possible about the date, you will cut to the chase. We said before, experienced partners like directness — and that’s the cornerstone of Pure.

  • It’s a privacy-conscious service. Older men don’t want other people meddling in their affairs, and Pure, with its self-destructing chat and end-to-end encryption, meets this need perfectly.
  • You can choose between casual dating and a serious relationship — the service doesn’t limit you to one or another.
  • It’s adventurous. If you are not a fan of filters and matching systems, you can opt for random matches. The least you know about the date, the fewer expectations.
  • It can be detailed, too. For those who love a scientific approach to dating Pure has specified filters that allow sorting matches based on their age, location, height, interests, dating experience.
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Registration is fast and free

There is no way you’ll know if the idea of dating a much older man excites you if you never try. So, you can test the concept without leaving your house, only by creating a profile and building connections with people nearby.

No pressure, just fun. After all, you have an hour to decide whether to go for it or pass. It could be that 60 minutes are all that lies between you and your love — so why don’t you find out?

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