Not to date a married man would probably be the best way to keep away from the whole mess. However, we all know it’s not how it works. Plus, we are not here to preach or play with moral grey zone boundaries.
Whether you are falling for a married man or having a short-term affair, or maybe you’ve been in a mistress role for a while now, there are certain things to keep in mind. It’s not about rules on how to date a married guy successfully — it’s about how to stay as comfortable as possible in the situation that tends to go south.
Know what you’re getting into
It’s not going to be easy, that’s a fact. The forbidden fruit is sweet, and the whole situation will feel ticklish for some time — but don’t expect it to work like ordinary relationships. Relationship with a married guy brings a bunch of compromises and requires flexibility. Ask yourself if you are ready for continually being restricted in your actions, being cautious, and feeling emotionally distanced.
Be sure you know what you want from this man. If you want him to divorce his wife and marry you instead, you might want to think it over: less than 5% of men leave their families, and this statistic is no rest for a soul.
Maybe you’re not looking for commitment, and this is an affair for you, just the same way as it is for him. In this case, try to stay on the line and keep your head cool. Your point here is to get the pleasure and not mess things up. Anyway, if you decide to go for the married man, try to get the whole picture as clear as possible before diving in.
Be ready to stay in the shadows
Being a mistress means being a huge secret. Some people are open about their affairs, but those aren’t the majority. Most married guys wouldn’t reveal their bedroom secrets, especially when the bedroom doesn’t belong to their wives.
In the era of social media, you have to think twice before mention him in your posts. Whether you want it or not, you are, unfortunately, the concealed one. You are not his girlfriend, and probably you can’t freely walk around the city hand in hand or post cute selfies together.
However, some people find conspiracy sexy. You might meet a married guy in Pure and spend a great night together — something to create a hot mystery about, just like the movies.
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Set boundaries
Partly this tip comes from the previous one. He is married, and there are other people in your love equation, and that’s why limitations are crucial. As much as people don’t like “the talks,” in this case, the earlier you get one, the better. Discuss with your married man, what are you two allowed to tell other people and what’s top-secret information.
Talk through some plan B versions: what if a curious friend of a family gets suspicious or catches you two red-handed? United we stand, divided we fall — you better have the same plausible explanation. Draw the line in your privacy. Be sure there are no conflicts over who posted what and who called when.
Even though he’s married and his family is a priority, it doesn’t mean you don’t have a vote. You can’t interfere with his family time, but you can have your time with him as well. You want to feel cared about even when seeing a married man. You can expect him to talk to you every day or spend special days like your birthdays with you, or make plans with you ahead, considering booty call is not the foundation of your affair.
Put jealousy off the table
Jealousy is a natural and common thing, but in your case, it is a lux you can’t afford if you don’t want things to get ugly. You are in a relationship with a married man, so you already know for sure he is not only yours. If you let this thought process the ordinary way, it will only complicate things more. You can’t ask for exclusivity, because it is already impossible with his wife behind his back. Face the fact he’s still going to have sex with his wife, and you can’t get angry about it — technically, you barely have more rights than her.
Don’t let your anger take over you. The more you rumble about all the other women in his life, the bigger are the chances he’ll get tired of it. Affairs are hard enough even without additional emotional pressure, so save both your nerves and his.
Respect his family and wife
Jealousy and constant emotional tension prepare a lot of pitfalls on your way. The worst possible scenario you can come up with is coming to his wife and reveal the affair you two are having. It’s not the right time to be selfish, and it most probably will backfire. Chances are your married guy will take his partner’s side and end the whole thing with you — and it’s not the result you want.
No matter what he says to you about his wife, you have to respect her. Sometimes a desire to rub the bad romance into the face of the wife is irresistible, the satisfaction of being able to pull off the affair right in front of her is taking over. Well, leave it for bad movies about cheaters and be above this. You are already sleeping with her husband, give her a break.
Respecting his partner means also quit comparing yourself to her and the other way around. Asking questions like “why is he with her?” or “is she better than me?” will drive you crazy like a schoolgirl in the middle of her crush. Thinking of how you are taller, younger, or skinnier than her and all in all superior is going to affect your karma and mental comfort seriously. Focus on being yourself and making him like you for you. It’s not a competition, even though it strongly reminds you of one.
Be independent
Perhaps, one of the essential tips. You are a person with your own time, hobbies, desires, and plans. Rebuilding your whole life according to his plans and timetable won’t do you any good whatsoever. If he calls you last minute when you already have plans, don’t change them for him. Your time is just as valuable as his, and making plans in advance is something you should agree. Dissolving in your partner when dating married man usually leads to not having any life outside your affair while he has plenty on his plate. Doubtfully good.
Consider seeing other men. After all, there’s nothing wrong with searching for a partner who is free and able to give you what you need. When you are seeing a married man, there’s a high probability it doesn’t have a future — so your best match is still out there! Pure is here to help you find someone to spend a great time and keep it secure and anonymous — you deserve to take your mind off a bit.
Get someone to talk to
You already know dating married man is no picnic. Whether you want it or not, there will be a lot of suppressed feelings and moments when you are not sure how you feel and what you should do. Find a person you can trust and share your feelings with. Otherwise, the overthinking and the emotional conflict will lead to your head exploding. It’s much easier to stay calm and impartial when you know there’s someone who has your back and doesn’t judge you.
It can be a friend of yours, but you should trust this person. If you are not sure whether your friends are a suitable candidacy, don’t dismiss the option of a therapist. There’s nothing wrong about getting some help, and the therapist is someone who can help you get your thoughts straight.
Be honest to yourself
If you feel like it is a dead-end, don’t afraid to call it off. You want commitment, and he doesn’t move towards it, you own this break-up to yourself. If you feel like you’re falling for a married man too hard, and he seems to take it casually, walk away. You need much more conscious than feelings here: while it’s hard to break up with a person you love or care about, you deserve to have a future you want.
If you feel there’s no chemistry other than sexual, think of keeping your distance. Sex is great and enjoying it is right, but getting further into messy emotional stuff with a married man when there’s no real connection won’t do any good to you. Listen to your guts and know you can call it a day if it brings you more discomfort than pleasure.
There’s no manual on how to date a married man successfully — because no one knows what “successfully” actually means in this situation. Be sure you are thinking clearly and can evaluate the situation. Does it make you happy? Are you satisfied with how it goes? Does it worth it? If so, then both hands on the wheel. You can easily find pleasurable and exciting matches in Pure: who knows, how this can turn out.
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