In 2021 friends with benefits arrangements are a common thing for people of all ages. Doesn’t matter if you’re in your 20s or your 50s, a FWB arrangement can become a really fun and comforting adventure.
First let’s talk about what FWB really means.
The term is mainly used to describe a hookup between two people with a pre-existing friendship genuinely like and trust each other but don’t want any strings attached. For an FWB situation to work, you have to know your partner and understand what feelings the emotional and sexual dynamic evokes in both of you. A mutual investment in each other’s well-being is a must because, well, that’s what friends are for. However, Dave Stultz, the dating coach who runs the The Fearless Man website, says: “FWB relationships are interdependent style relationships so … you must respect the other person’s decisions and lifestyle. This person is not your girlfriend or boyfriend, so you have no say in what they do and who they do it with.”
Dating and sexting apps and sites such as Pure, are a great place to find a friend in the time of the pandemic. Who knows, maybe your next match will transform into a perfectly chill FWB relationship in the near future. If you’re specifically interested in finding a friends-with-benefits relationship, be sure to make it clear in your profile.
Pure app offers a friendly and welcoming community of people who are open to all kinds of sexual adventures. You don’t have to share your personal information, no social media links or phone numbers are required. The app has self-destructed chats and sends you notifications if your partner tries to take a screenshot of your conversation. It’s really easy to start – just download the app, sign up, and create your first post with the description of your ideal partner. Browse through other users’ ads and find your perfect match within a 1,000 km radius!
If you’re over 50 and are seeking for a FWB arrangement, watch this discussion between Robert Manni, host of Guy’s Guy Radio, and Silke Schwarzkopf, the creator of 2nd Act Tv
If you’re with the younger crowd and have less experience with relationships in general, we have a few pieces of advice to share with you.
Friends-with-benefits is a huge topic, and there are a lot of things that can be said about it. You might want to read The Friends With Benefits Rulebook by Stacy Freedman to see the bigger picture.
But today we’re going to share the most basic tips on how to navigate a friends-with-benefits situation.
How to be sure that the friends with benefits relationship is right for you?
1. You are not looking for commitment.
This advice works for all kinds of relationships but still is worth mentioning. Be 100% honest with yourself about your current wants and needs. FWB will not provide you with the care and support that a committed relationship offers. You need to make sure you’re happy and emotionally stable before trying out a new FWB relationship. Don’t try to fill in any emotional voids, because it will be a total disaster in the end. It’s important to think the whole situation through and to have full understanding and acceptance of what this relationship means for both partners involved. Respect yourself and set boundaries. Don’t agree to an FWB relationship if you’re not sure that this is the only kind of relationship that you truly want with this person. If this connection might prevent you from pursuing a committed relationship that you see for yourself in the long-term, your FWB connection may set you back.
Entertainer and healthy lifestyle expert Korinne Elizabeth Portley shared her FWB story in her YouTube video:
2. You and your partner are on the same page about your relationship.
There’s always a chance that this relationship is going to get serious for someone. And yes, this someone might be you. But at least make sure to have an open discussion with your partner of choice about the nature of your connection. The moment your FWB situation stops being fun it’s best to just call it off. Make sure to have a full understanding of what you’re signing up for so that this relationship doesn’t leave you feeling heartbroken when the sexual chemistry has run its course. If you don’t express your expectations to the partner, there’s no chance to avoid confusion, hurt feelings, and misread signals. Make sure to be a good friend to the other person, and remember, that no relationship should ever leave you feeling weak or powerless to your emotions.
3. You are ok with the fact that your partner may be with other people.
FWB is not a monogamous type of relationship. As in any hookup situation, both partners are free to date as many people as they prefer. It’s totally fine if the other person chooses to have multiple sexual partners. The reason behind that might be that they enjoy sexual variety and the novelty of being with somebody different, you live in different cities, or that they want to try out some kink that you aren’t into…You name it. However, the whole idea is to have fun and keep it casual! The only thing you owe to the other person is an open conversation about what you want from a relationship with them. It’s also important to understand that both partners may end this relationship at any time and reason they like. So please make sure to protect your emotional health by taking this connection one day at a time.
It’s always better to talk about how you’re going to end things in advance. What happens if you meet someone you want to be exclusive with? What happens if your partner decides they’re not into FWB anymore? What will happen to your friendship after you split? And so on, and so on…
You'll crave for more!
4. Both you and your partner honor each other’s boundaries.
Be sure to lay down your ground rules, like if the sleepovers are ok, if you can stay for breakfast in the morning, if you can cuddle, etc . Friends with benefits can have all the respect of a regular relationship.
Jeannie Assimos, chief of advice at eHarmony, says: “Know your limits. The more up front you are about them, the better — but don’t hesitate to speak up at any point.”
Always remember that you were truly friends with this person before you added sex. So you should always try to preserve your friendship even if things go south. Make time for non-sexual activities together as any real friends would. This way, you will be able to keep a friendship once somebody decides to end the relationship.
And must importantly, focus on having amazing sex and keep in mind that the whole point of your relationship is to let loose and let off some steam.
5. You both understand the importance of safe sex, and your protection game is on point.
Both of you will probably be hooking up with multiple partners during the course of your relationship, so be sure to practice safe sex and educate yourself. Be smart, be safe, and never let your passion cloud your judgment. Discuss your birth control plan beforehand. Besides that, you need to decide on how often you plan to get tested for STDs and STIs. It’s best to get tested at least every 6 months, and with any change of partners.
To sum it up
Sharing passionate sex with an attractive person you trust and respect sounds like a great option to try out.
Here are the 5 essential rules to follow while in a FWB relationship:
- Don’t fall in love
- Don’t go on dates, family functions, and other events together
- Communicate everything and don’t get jealous
- Know when it’s time to move on
- Have fun!
A committed relationship can be so much work. It’s totally fine to prefer a non committed one with no strings attached. Sexual exploration quite often becomes a part of an existing friendship, but both people need to know exactly what they’re getting themselves into and act accordingly. Otherwise, the relationship is doomed from the start. FWB relationships require a certain level of self-awareness and transparency from both partners. Discuss the ins and outs before you start, enjoy yourselves and value your friendship no matter how this ends. As long as you’re just having fun and not putting the benefits before your friendship and mutual respect, things should go well.
Rhonda Milrad, LCSW, Relationship Therapist, and Founder of online relationship community Relationup says: “The whole point of having a FWB or a fuck buddy is to be having great, uncommitted sex. If the sex isn’t steamy anymore then all you are left with is unsatisfying sex in a loveless connection and that isn’t very fun!”
We hope that this article was helpful to you and we covered most of your questions about FWB and rules that make this type of relationship enjoyable. And if you don’t have a friend to try out FWB and explore your sexuality with, you can always create a profile on Pure and you’ll find a perfect match in no time. This app is designed to help people find partners with the same kinks and arrange the dates as fast as possible.