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You’ve surely heard of it, even if you have not ever considered yourself that sort of kinky. Might have seen a picture or two somewhere browsing. Is that sex, you might have been thinking? Or BDSM? Or both? Is it Japanese? As you’ve never been a fan of karate and samurai, throwing a dazzled glance, you might have scrolled past it.
Up until now. Let’s talk ropes, and while we do, you might feel an urge to tie a knot or two, be warned.
What is it, anyway? Japanese bondage?
Yes and no. Or, rather, not really. Originating from Japan, it hardly bears anything of its culture now, thought one sure could marvel artists like Hajime Kinoko—but most shibari practitioners over the globe hardly think of katanas or sakuras while tying knots. But of passion—oh yes, they do.
So… Why ropes?
After all, there are cuffs, straps, well, just anything leathery and steely that snaps on in seconds to endorse some limits to one’s body freedom.
Long story short, we do ropes to have a very special kind of fun that no other kink delivers. Ropes are cool. Ropes are tender. Ropes are beautiful. They give a huge—truly huge—variety of experiences, from submission and dominance, to freedom of flight, to tenderness and that eerie feeling of being taken back into your own body in a totally new kind of way. To some, it’s a BDSM tool. To others, a kind of embodiment practice. To most, a delicate dialog and a journey. A way to personal freedom, how about that?
And, sure, a kink (the one you might very soon fancy trying).
How to shibari?
Unlike many other kinks, ropes do require time. Making and remaking a net over one’s body is, in most cases, a slow action that creates both arousal and trust, if you do it right. Having one made over your own is as well anything but fast but is also anything but boring. (Though, pros, sure, are capable of doing a one-rope tie at full tilt.) Do not rush, especially if you are a newcomer, and aim for a mutual journey with your partner. This will pay back.
Hey, wait… isn’t shibari BDSM?
Not really. Or rather, not at all. Shibari could, for sure, be used as a BDSM tool, but it is a kink and an art in itself. Doing it does not, by default, make you a part of a BDSM team. Maybe check this article to learn what does, btw. Anyways, if it is a BD thing for you, all you need to know is how to tie safely. But if you aim for other kinds of experiences, ropes are so, so much more.
Playing on
We feel like suggesting a few unorthodox ideas here. First and foremost, try to do it mutually. Being tied up and doing it for someone else are the two pleasures you might want to experience, instead of being loyal to just one side of the Force. Take a few bits of good ropes (more on that later) and try the basics with someone you trust (and probably someone you are horny with — don’t be shy to go after folks from the Pure app if you feel like you are missing a partner), taking turns after every successful attempt. Endorse in mutual research. Learn how it feels to be suspended and to suspend the other one.
There are plenty of technical videos on the internet, go for simple stuff first, and aim for safety. Definitely agree on a stop word, and have a pair of very good scissors within your hand’s grasp. If anything goes wrong, don’t spare the strings. After all, these are just ropes.
Do not be scared to tie too loose, even if your first attempts might then fail to survive longer than a few minutes before turning into a loopy mess. There already? That’s cool, keep calm and give it another try. How about making a very simple over-the-body bandage like this one and having sex while wearing it? How about making two for each of you and having sex then? Or maybe attempt some petting while having some of your limbs connected?
Staying safe while having fun
Safety first, that is what they write on those big yellow signs at construction sites, right? Same true for your bedroom. While general boudoir safety is covered in another article, read on for the shibari tips.
- First and foremost, get a pair of very good scissors. Have them nearby, in direct sight, like, all the time you are playing. ‘Very good’ here means that these scissors are capable of cutting your ropes in one easy snap. If the strings you happen to use are unbreakable, go for more serious hardware like a pair of steel-cutters, or better switch to something less of a hemp wing.
- Agree on a stop word. Once it is pronounced, even whispered, the ropes must be removed immediately. A stop word is something serious. If you can’t untie anything fast, refrain from pulling or otherwise losing time—go for the scissors instead. Please remember that a stop word needs to be only pronounced once. After that, the freeing actions must be rapidly taken.
Definitely ask what has happened, but only after all ropes are down and your partner needs no extra care. If yes, absolutely give it first. - Use loops, not knots whenever possible. The difference is that a loop will fall apart by itself when not under tension, while a knot holds no matter what and needs to be untied manually. The fewer knots you use, the easier it is to remove your harness fast when needed.
- Do not use running knots over limbs or generally any part of the body!
- Knots and loops that are too loose are always better than those too tight. Also, always allow extra air between the limb and the rope around it; sliding out of the harness is nothing bad. Getting stuck inside of it indeed is.
- If your buddy’s limbs go pale or start turning unnatural colors, check for their condition right away. If they feel nice and warm, it’s probably fine. In all the other cases, loosen or remove whatever is over them ASAP. Mind that ropes must not inhibit the blood flow, since when they do, that above all makes the limbs less responsive to neural triggers, which means your partner might just not feel that something is not right with their stranded hand. Hence check.
- Ropes will burn skin when rubbed against it, so always put your own fingers between your partner’s tissues and the rope you are pulling. And never pull out a rope your partner’s body is resting on.
What kind of ropes do good?
For a rookie ninja, we suggest going for special cotton ropes. Special meaning they are a) thick b) soft and c) have a strong core. Professional shibari cotton ropes are exactly like that, but there is always a chance that you are a lucky one and somehow have a bunch of perfect cotton ropes, like, in your wardrobe. If you do and those pass the a-b-c checklist, you are good to go.
Had no luck with the wardrobe and purchasing a shibari rope kit is out of your funds? Go for plastic ones. Head to the nearest hardware store and look for eight to twelve-millimeter ropes that are also a-b-c fine. Tie a couple of knots and if you are happy with how it feels, purchase a few seven to ten-meter bits. Oh, a human body is such a vast thing.
Hempy strings are harder to work with and require some grade of skill so better keep that for later. They are also quite expensive when purchased in a kink shop, or require quite a bit of post-processing if they originate from a convenience store.
Okay. Shall we tie now?
Yup, sure. Here you are. This is a very extensive article on a one-column tie. That is a tie that goes around one limb and stays there. Limb is column, you got it. This particular tie is great since it is quite flat, and is relatively easy to undo — pull out the bight and you are good to go. Also, it does not fail. Use it to hook a limb and to secure it to something else, like another part of your harness or a leg of your sofa. But do not use this tie over two limbs, as it will slip off.
Do use a two-column tie instead. It is very okay, but please note that keeping hands (or whatever pair of limbs you are connecting) up in the air with this kind of knot is not the smartest thing to do. We have warned you first-timers not to hover people up in space, remember that? Same goes for people’s parts too.
Being able to handcuff your partner and to connect any of their limbs to any external point is enough to have quite some fun, but let’s make this a real thing by adding a body harness. They are numerous and very googlable, so how about this basic one or this… also basic one? The former is performed by two sassy boys and the latter is featuring a mannequin. Enjoy your time.
I have a question… Do I, as a female, absolutely need to be tied down?
Absolutely. NOT. Hey. Please look at the rope. You can not tell the rope’s gender, right? And there is not a single person who can. Neither can a rope tell yours (take our word on that). If you feel like you want to be bandaged, please go for it. If you feel like you wanna do a tie—please do. Yes, it’s all that simple. If you feel like there must be some gender bias because the internet is populated with female nude images in ropes, and you feel obliged to live up to it—think of it as the same kind of fake as those plastic bodies in the ads. No commercial truly features a real human, right? Same here. Go for your own thing be you a girl, a boy, or an alien from a distant galaxy. Being yourself is the only thing that matters.
Party time
One more thing before you dive. You might feel like you need some live inspiration to get off the ground. Or maybe you have tried a bit of this and that and some human advice is now required, and youtube just does not kick in. Or there is that earning for a tribe. Well then… go clubs.
We mean, take your partner, or use Pure to find a few, if you haven’t yet. Try some stuff, and then hit a club or two to see the advanced action and meet faces. Ask around for shibari chat groups and communities, or google out a couple of BDSM clubs in your neighborhood—they do often host shibari nights or stage newcomer’s events that also include ropes along with SM things. Taking home some inspiration, a few useful names, and a new friend or two and trying a new harness tie or a rope kink would be a nice weekend plan, right? You’re good to go.
