Dating after divorce can be really scary. Especially if your marriage lasted for quite some time and you’re really used to being in a committed relationship. Divorce is a pretty traumatic experience, and it usually takes some time and a lot of work to recover from. If you’re fresh out of divorce or if you’re separated and are on your way to get a divorce – just take your time and make sure you’re ready for a new chapter.
For those who are feeling uncertain about where and how to begin, we have a few pieces of advice that may help you to be successful in dating after divorce.
Before you start dating, make sure that you’re ready
Some people try to jump back into the dating world immediately after their divorce or separation. After all, it’s natural to want to be with someone. Especially if you were in a long committed relationship and you got used to that feeling and lifestyle. Being single may feel like a huge adjustment, and you’ll naturally just want to go and find anybody to ease the pain of being alone. However, if you jump right back into dating without taking your time to heal, some deep-rooted issues from your previous marriage may spiral into your new relationships. The first step is to make sure you’re no longer emotionally attached to your ex. You need to work through all of your negative and positive emotions towards them and be ready to let go to find somebody new. All of the negative stuff that you didn’t address will definitely show in your new relationship. This is not fair to them, as well as it’s not fair to you.
Remember that it takes a lot of time and energy to get to know someone, going out on dates, or just talking to someone on one of the dating apps such as Pure, Tinder, Bumble, etc. You’ll have to say no to certain things to say yes to dating. You want to enjoy each other, not just be with someone out of fear of being alone. So it’s very important to focus on taking just the right amount of time to heal and be alone with yourself to figure out what’s next. Make sure that you’re ready to date after a traumatic experience. After all, being single can be fun too.
You can try Pure. It’s an extraordinary service with an intriguing concept of making people date in reality instead of sending love letters online. No questionnaires, no names, but flirty games within a 24-hour slot before your chat deletes itself.Pure has video chats with virtual masks that can make you feel comfortable opening up to a new adventure. Video chats are much more fun than endless texting anyway!
A Wellness and Self-Improvement Coach Tracy Hensel suggests asking yourself these ten questions to find out if you’re ready to date.
Don’t stick to any plans in dating
You have your wisdom and experience from your marriage to help you. Date as many people as you want and enjoy what each of them brings into your life. There’s no reason to commit to anyone right after your divorce. It’s all about enjoying life. What kind of men would be good for you?
Consider taking sex ed classes to catch up on the latest trends in sexual health
When you’re single, it’s even more important to be in charge of your sexual health. If you’ve been monogamous for a while, chances are that you’re a little behind on all the latest trends in the world of sex and dating. The best place to start is getting checked out and talking about effective birth control options with your doctor. There are many new developments on the market, such as Gardasil 9, the vaccine for hpv, that may help you relax more with a new partner.
There’s also a whole psychology to sex after divorce or loss that can feel really hard on you without encouragement and information from outside expertise.
Make sure to learn more about the new sex toys on the market and the sex-tech industry in general. Technology helps to improve our sexual health and wellness big time. We recommend watching this video of Bryony Cole from the Future of Sex podcast talking where she talks about how technology penetrates even the most intimate corners of our lives.
Value yourself and be comfortable in your own skin
It will probably sound too obvious, but…You need to always remember who you are, what are your strengths and weaknesses, and what do you want in life. Feeling comfortable in your own skin is something both men and women struggle with throughout their lives, especially after a divorce. It’s so easy to get lost in our own heads and start to see all of the faults and the flaws in ourselves. But the fact is that you need to learn how to be ok with your own company before you add someone else into the picture. Learn to value yourself enough so that you don’t make your decisions based on fear of rejection.
Drew Barrymore and her talk show guest, Michelle, talk about how her first date after the divorce went and the importance of falling in love with yourself during your journey.
And here is some advice from a speaker, author, and YouTube personality Tiffany Dawn about getting comfortable in your own skin.
Revive the mindset you used to have in your early 20s
Why the 20s? Because that easy-going mindset might work wonders for you. Not the self-destructive “i don’t care” attitude, but making much more about you and not about your past relationship. Fill yourself up with passion and new experiences. Having a young spirit will naturally attract people because people will see you as a happy person with dreams and aspirations. And nothing is more attractive than that.
Suggesting a creative date to your potential partner might be a good idea. Something like taking a city-hike, happy hour, Shakespeare in the park, going to a gig to check out a new band, volunteering together, grabbing a frozen yogurt, etc.
You'll crave for more!
Level up your standards and take things slow
Once you’re over the phase of idealizing your ex, decide what your deal-breakers and standards for the future partners are. Having all of the valuable experience from your last marriage, it will be easy for you to list all the crap that you never want to see again in your life. What would you do differently this time? What won’t you tolerate? And most importantly, are you ready to stand by your standards? It’s also helpful to make a list of character-oriented features you’re looking for in your future partner, such as a sense of humor, kindness, affection, similar values, etc…
If you pile up that list for the next person you’re going to date, it’ll be a good guarantee that you won’t jump into the next serious relationship too soon and mistake the honeymoon phase for true love. It’s essential to be cautious, date a few different people first, and not rush into any long-term relationships.
Don’t go to extremes. You don’t have to put a label on every date right away
You don’t have to commit to anything right away. There are so many ways you could choose to be with the partners you want. You can have a fun few hours or a fun weekend together and not see each other again. Or you can try to form a more extended connection and take it day by day to see where it brings you. And if you’re not ready to date IRL, you can always go on-line, where it’s pretty common to have several potential relationships starting at once. One of the greatest places to look for a fling or a potential partner is Pure hookup dating app. It has a huge community of open-minded people looking for a romantic pastime. On-line or off-line, you can be dating as many people you like. You just need to be upfront if someone asks about it. Make sure to communicate where you’re at and what you want at this time in your life.
Be honest about your status
Even though for most people the fact that they’re dating someone who’s been divorced before is not a big deal, sometimes it may feel like you’re holding a big secret. Although it may not be the best fact to begin your date with, bring it up when it comes up in the conversation — no need to stress about it. You can also mention it in your dating profile on-line – this way it’ll be easier to find people who understand divorce and don’t read too much into it. If you still don’t feel comfortable talking about your divorce with new people, it might be a good idea to look for divorce support groups in your city or on-line.
Try online dating
Due to the changes forced upon us during the worldwide Covid-19 pandemic, the dating options can be limited for some. The easiest solution is to get comfortable with the technology and create profiles on multiple dating services. This way you’ll reach as many people as possible, and you’ll be able to see right away if they’re being turned off by the fact that you are divorced. This is probably one of the most comfortable and exciting ways to start dating again. You may flirt with whoever you want and possibly meet some great people along the way. You can even try dirty talks, sexting, and video chats to bring your fire back. For example, Pure dating app conveniently offers video chats with virtual masks if you’re still not ready to go all out. The app also guarantees privacy and safety to all of your calls, photos, and messages.
Don’t introduce your kids to your new person too soon
If you’re a parent, you obviously put your kids first. If you decide to introduce your new partner too soon, the child may feel like they’re betraying the other parent if they like the new person. No matter how old they are, meeting the new parental figure can be confusing and stressful for children. Experts say that you need to know your partner for at least half a year before introducing them to your family. However, it all depends on too many factors. If you’re confident in your partner and your kids are ready for the introduction, make sure that the child knows that they’re the first priority.