There are a lot of myths around causal sex with a friend. Some say that it will ruin the bond, while others think it wouldn’t be enjoyable. However, reality often shows the opposite case, demonstrating that friends make great sexual partners.
That’s not to say, of course, that hooking up with friends is a walk in the park. There are risks, and you have to be aware of possible traps before you decide to take this road. I am ready to share my experience of casual sex with a friend — let me tell you that it was different from what I expected, in all senses.
Sexual friendships are more popular than you think
If you ever thought that this trend is blown out of proportion, let me surprise you — it’s quite common. At least 60% of college students had a friend with benefits, and most of them had sex more than once. It’s a common thing, and not just in the United States but in the entire world.
So, why do friends have sex? There are many reasons, but here are mine:
- It feels safe — when I am at a rough stage in life, I would rather turn for comfort to someone I know well, rather than trusting a random stranger. Also, it was a good idea for getting sexual experience — both for my friends and me.
- Ever-present curiosity — deep down, I was always wondering how it would feel to sleep with one of my friends. I never imagined us being compatible romantically, but from a sexual point of view, there was always some undeniable attraction.
- A potential relationship — a friend of mine, confessed later that he hoped that having sex would make me consider starting a serious relationship. That wasn’t true in my case, but some people, it indeed works out well.
Having sex with a friend is something that anyone should try at least once — at least, in my opinion. Otherwise, you might be wondering forever how would it feel to get it on with your friend.
The disadvantages of such a relationship
I have to warn you, though — a relationship with friends can be a bumpy road. You never know where sex might take your friendship. It might sound like a cliche, but it’s true — at least, that was the case for one of my friends who went downtown with her best friend. Now she has one friend less — and mixed emotions about that encounter.
In my experience, you should examine the following concerns before having friendly sex.
Make sure you are thinking with your head
Don’t start such a relationship with unclear intentions. The motivation has to be entirely rational — you should foresee possible complications in your friendship and know how to deal. After all, science isn’t too optimistic. In a recent survey, about 60% of people with friends with benefits said they don’t feel as close to their close ones after sex.
This means it’s not the best idea to have casual sex if you just had a rough day. Also, what if your casual sex friends see you as a potential relationship candidate and will take sex for more than it is? You will end up in an awkward situation, and it surely won’t make your friendship better.
To avoid such a situation, observe your friend first and see whether there is no chance that a guy or girl likes you romantically. The main signs are casual touching, prolonged eye contact, smile, and friendly boasting. If your friend for sex constantly tries to impress you, you may be onto a relationship here.
Be ready to deal with deeper attachments
What if you will be the one to develop a deeper feeling to your friend in the most unexpected way? Then you could be stuck in a hopeless situation where you hope to get a hearted response, but that wasn’t what you discussed.
So, when your friend gets a romantic partner one day, chances are, you will feel jealous and toxic towards that person. You won’t be able to support your friend in romantic life — and that might put a dent in your relationship.
Also, consider your mutual friends’ opinions. They might find out about your sex and turn it into a joke — and you might not be up for laughs. The solution is to keep your experiences secret or choose an opposite strategy, which is being open about the nature of the relationship.
Mutual friends might not approve your casual sex
If your friends know you well, they will likely notice the changes in your behavior sooner or later. They will start asking all kinds of uncomfortable questions, and you should now how to handle that. I had a friend how straight-up came to me and said something like, “I know you have sex with your friend.” I didn’t know how to react — and it sucked because that friend turned out to have a crush on the guy.
So, be ready that some friends can consider you are traitor while others might silently disapprove. Either way, causal sex might affect your friend group dynamics if your social circle isn’t open-minded enough.
How to have fun casual sex with friends
At some point, you have to get over these issues or come up with a plan. Even if you acknowledge possible issues, it doesn’t mean you should give up on the idea. The solution is either to speak up about your concern, or stop caring. For me, the latter option works better.
To manage your concerns, write them down and predict the worst possible outcomes. What’s the worst that could happen if the worst possible scenario would come to life? Write down these risks and see if you are ready to deal.
Once you’ve acknowledged possible problems, it’s time to start acting.
Make the most out of your friendship
One of the reasons why you are having sex with a friend rather than a stranger is that you get to be open and vulnerable. You need to make the most out of your close connection and discuss as many aspects as possible. Share your concerns and discuss goals, so you are both on the same page — now that is the privilege you won’t get with a random person.
However, you don’t want to overthink things. In all of my best friendly experiences, there was less talking and more action — you want to leave room for mystery. So, discuss only the essential stuff and figure out the rest on the go.
Clarify the definition of casual sex
You don’t want to jump in the dangerous water of friendships with benefits before checking its depth. You want to make sure that your friend doesn’t have any expectations. It’s best to agree to keep things only sexual, with no additional involvement.
If you suspect that you might develop some feelings, ask a partner about a “hypothetical” scenario in case you two would date. Could be, you are both entertaining the same possibility — and awareness would make things much easier.
Get rid of expectations
Sex among friends isn’t always the best. You have a specific idea of a close person, and seeing them in bed can surprise you, and not always in a good way. Suddenly, someone whom you are used to relying on seems undecisive or unadventurous.
It could also happen that you are not compatible. Sexual chemistry is different from the friendly one — you might read each others’ minds, but it can only get in the way in bed.
Let your sex stay secret
Even if the experience was great and you are dying to share it with friends, resist the temptation. I learned it the hard way. One of my friends turned out to be great in bed, and we had loads of fun. So, I got a stupid idea to tell my other best friend about it. This broke my other friend’s heart because now she thought that she isn’t my best friend.
You never know how other people can react to the news, so don’t provoke them. Unless you want to make things serious and date for real, there is no need to include other people into your adventures.
Is sex between friends a good idea in the long run
It depends on you and your relationship with the person, but generally, you can maintain the friendship even after stopping to have sex. If you get on the right track and find a nice way to end things, your friendship is likely to be unharmed. However, this takes some serious consideration — so you want to think a lot before taking the first step.
However, don’t give in to the stereotype that it should necessarily end in a disaster. There are a lot of people ho manage to keep their connection or even make it stronger, and others develop a long-term relationship — although decide for yourself if it’s a good outcome.
You should both know your desires
You already know how to examine your worst-case scenarios, and it’s about time you take a look at your best ones. You need to know what do you hope from this “upgrade.” Here are some of my main motivations:
- A regular hookup buddy — I don’t like to go on a date whenever I want to get it on. Casual sex with a best friend who can help anytime really helps to fulfill unexpected desires.
- Trying out a new type — guys whom I dated are different from the ones whom I am friends with I don’t like to lock myself in a single type, so I turn to my them for some diversity.
- Getting experience — I wouldn’t want to seem disappointing to a person with whom I want to have a serious relationship. Friends for sex, on the other hand, can be an excellent training ground, especially if you discussed these goals beforehand.
Don’t let blind curiosity lead you to friendly sex — you need to have a more solid motivation. After all, there are a lot of risks in the game, and you want to know that the high is worth the pain.
Sex with your friend — video tips
Keep communicating all the time
People tend to form new relationships over time; their attitude to casual sex can change. You need to keep track of yours and your partner’s current priorities and constantly make sure that you have the same view on the situation.
This is why I encourage you to discuss the state of your relationship regularly. This way, you’ll make sure that are no blank spaces you understand each other all the time.
Be ready to say goodbye
I don’t want to ruin the mood, but you should remember that there is always the possibility of ruining a friendship. If you are not ready to imagine your life without this friend, perhaps, you shouldn’t take your connection to bed.
If you agree to sex with your friend, you need to understand that it’s a slightly different kind of relationship, and you might never return to what you had before.
Make sure you understand your friend
Sometimes, people can misinterpret even those who are the closest to them. It ‘s possible that you are viewing your friend’s personality in a distorted mode, and it doesn’t correspond with reality. Even if you think that you know the person like the back o your hand, it never hurts to have an open talk.
Also, just like you should be aware of your desires, make sure you understand friends’ motivations. Your friend should also be benefiting from the situation — you certainly don’t want to get pity sex.
So, should friends have sex?
With all these insights and risks, you likely have a question now: is it worth it at the end? How do I make sure that this is not a mistake? Well, the answer here is simple than it seems. If your desires aren’t too strong and you question the idea in the first place, it might not be such a good plan or you.
However, if you are excited to face possible complications to have sex with a friend, then you are on the right track. Still, if you want to minimize some doubts, you should let your friend join the discussion. Share your intentions right now and examine the risks together.
You should see the end as it begins
Even if your adventure will take you to great places and let experience amazing emotions, you need to have a sense of the ending. Even the best experiences come to an end unless you don’t plan to enter a serious relationship. The first thing you need to do is to imagine the possible scenarios of how you would stop having sex with friends without sabotaging your connection. You can even write down settings and dialog — to make sure you have the maximal awareness.
Finally, don’t forget to discuss these concerns directly with your friend. You both must understand how exactly you are going to finalize your adventure
Basic safety measures
No matter how much you trust your friend, you should never skip basic safety steps. Br sure you use protection — unless your friend wants to get tested for sexually-transmitted diseases with you.
Either way, casual sex brings slightly more risks than a serious relationship, which is why regular testing for HIV and other diseases is a necessary practice.
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Does sex change a friendship?
Both yes and no. In most cases, you will feel the impact of your exploration — your conversations will feel different, and you are going to feel sometimes awkward. On the other hand, if you get through these initial struggles, the exigence can be very rewarding. Your relationship will get even stronger because now you will understand your friend on a deeper level.
Can you be intimate with a friend?
Yes, sure. You need to explore possible complications and talk details out, but if you are aware of your motivations and the interests of your partner, your connection will grow even stronger.
Is it good to have a friend with benefits?
Yes, this has the word “benefits” for a reason. You have an available sexual partner anytime, and it’s easy to get experience and experiment with different settings and positions. You can explore your sexuality and take your friend along for the ride.
Why is having friends with benefits better than a relationship?
You don’t have to be exclusive, for one thing. You can enjoy your freedom and date people, including hookups and sex dating. If you want a deeper connection, you can talk to each other and share intimate details.
Having friends with benefits is an unforgettable experience. Sure, it comes with many risks, but if the relationship works out, it’s worth it. You get reliable long-term sex partners with no obligations.
As long as you are prepared to risks and keep the relationship transparent, you will have a fun ride with a person who is close to you. Just have fun and don’t overthink things — go along with the exploration and enjoy the experience.