Being a dominant is not necessarily something you are born with. Rumors also say that you most likely need to be male for that kind of job. We want to break the typical opinion that males have to be dominants and females are for the submissive role.
Nothing holds you back from becoming a dominant for your man in the bedroom. Doesn’t matter if it’s a one-time thing or something that you are going to do regularly. We are going to break all the tips for you on how to be dominant sexually if you are a newbie.
Three types of domination
There are 3 main types of domination that you can categorize into. You can use them separately or combine them in a different order:
This is the best tactic if you have never tried domination with your partner. We will guide you through all the main steps on how to start. With these moves, you can figure out if your man is into it, and understand if domination is your cup of tea.
Push him against the wall
That is an ultimate turn-on move for everyone. If you push him against the wall that will show him your dominant side. In his eyes, you will appear even more of a goddess. Domination shows confidence and confidence is always sexy.
Talk dirty his way
Another hot way to bring on more heat to the foreplay is to initiate the dirty talk to your man. Don’t talk about what you want him to do to you, but what you want to do to him. Tell him you need to ride his face or fuck him on top. The dirty talk has to be precise to make it clear who is on top and in charge for today in the bedroom.
He is probably bigger than you physically, but you still can manhandle him. Hold his arms when pressing him against the wall or when you are on top of him. Play and tease him while holding his hands. Don’t let him touch you.
Grab his face
Make him look at you when you want it. Grab his face and force him to have eye contact. You have to make sure that your face expresses exactly what you have in mind. One look can tell a lot. Practice in front of the mirror, imagining sexy scenarios to set the right mood.
Don’t let him touch you
This is one of the hottest turn-ons. Once he is ready and hard, slow down. Let him sit on a chair or sofa, take a few steps back to the bed and start to touch and play with yourself. Tell him he can only watch you and nothing more. Also add that only when you allow him to, he would be able to make another move.
A moderate way of domination is always something in between of general gentle and aggressive dominance. A lot of couples continue at this stage for a while to discover more about their inner fantasies. Here are a few of the most popular domination moves to get to the golden middle.
Biting is awesome. There are so many places you can bite and also different levels of biting. That way, you can figure out how hard he likes it. Slight bite on the shoulder while he is on top of you or more stronger bite that would leave a mark for a bit on his skin — here you can depend on your instincts and observation.
You don’t have to scratch just his back like in cheese movies. You can do the same with his ass cheeks or shoulders. Either way, before you do so, test if he would like it. Don’t let it become an uncomfortable situation.
Spank his ass
Being in a dominant position means taking control. Most likely he would enjoy a few spanks while he is on top of you. You can also turn it into a proper spanking session if things would lead that way.
Tease his with orgasm
Don’t let him come when he wants it, or he is ready to. Build tension. Tell him at the beginning that he would be allowed to come only after he pleases you. It can be oral sex, or you can order him to make you come numerous times and only after that, he would be able to cum. That teasing and the tension of the order should keep him hard and motivated even more than usual.
Tie him up
A lot of blogs would suggest handcuffs, but that’s more of an easy old school. We recommend trying to tie him up. Use his tie or whatever piece of fabric. Your thongs could also play that part. For that, you might need to watch one or two YouTube videos about tying properly if you are getting ready to fill in the fantasy. If not, just regular knots will do the job. Bet he will be impressed you took your time to learn how to do something like that.
Pour hot wax
Another great way to figure out if you both are into more painful foreplay. You should think this one through though. It all seems cool in the movies, but in real life, it could feel weird. Before going all the way in and pour wax to the stomach or more intimate places, start with a hand or shoulder.
This is the most open-minded and free domination that you can think of — the beginning of the peak of what you can possibly do. This is 50 Shades of Grey level, so you better buckle up for this one.
BDSM as in bondage, discipline, and sadomasochism. This is where the tying up will pay off. Even though we used to see mostly women who are ending up in bondage, your man would probably like it too — you just have to initiate it. Add punishment for being a bad boy, and you have a perfect mixture for the foreplay.
Depriving oxygen can be tricky but such a turn on. Place your hand on the throat of your partner and regulate the power — it is tricky because you can try too hard that he can pass out, so be careful with your strength.
That effect easily to achieve when he gets something in his mouth. You can use sex gag toy or your panties both ways are hot and demanding. You can combine it with any other domination tip, and domination hot sex is guaranteed.
This form of domination is suited to any type. It depends on what level you will take it. Roleplaying could be a great approach for beginners to fill the ground of how far both of you are ready to go and after everything goes smoothly, you can evaluate it to the max that you can think of.
As for the roleplaying scenarios, you can be a demanding teacher, a strict nurse with a naughty patient or you can be his dominating millionaire mistress who appears when she is in town for business. You can roleplay anything — there are no rules.
Where to start
You should think about this entire idea through and make sure that you are ready. If you are not 100% sure about it — you should at least try it to see if that will bring you sexual tension.
Men love domination that much because it gives them the feeling of power and releases all the tension they have. Domination will set free your emotions on a different level.
After you decide that you want to try it, you should share this fantasy with your man. Tell him you want to be a dominant part of sexual intercourse. For sure discuss the safe word too. But not bring it in a way where you want to spank him for hours or punish him. Start slowly with gentle domination tips where you say that you want to tie him up. And while he is in a vulnerable position you want him to watch you play with yourself where he can’t touch you. Another great approach to start the conversation is roleplay.
How to figure out your own appetite as a dominant
Knowing your appetite is important. One sex guru that goes by name Midori suggesting for you to go back in time to your childhood memories and try to remember what was your favorite play as a kid. If you liked to throw big parties for your toys or you had the best tea parties in the area, you are starving for attention. This is your answer. It can also be parts of plays where you took care of someone or guided the entire group of toddlers.
That will help you to set your fantasy perspective as in the way you would want to move. For instance, you might want to dirty talk but would order your partner to say 100 compliments, and if you won’t like any of them he would get spanked but if you do he get to eat you out for 30 seconds or so.
Responsibilities as dominant
No matter how much you dream about it the main part is where you learn about basic responsibilities. No matter how far and aggressive you are with your partner, there are ground rules you should follow.
Know what you are working with
You need to prepare in advance. If you are about to tie him up, you should learn at least a few tricks. If it’s a toy – learn all about it and maybe test it yourself first.
Negotiate safety tips
You need to talk before, especially when you are moving further to the aggressive domination. Communication, in this case, is extra important. Discuss the safety word, what is that both of you want to do, and what fantasies to cover.
Be ready for any outcome
You always have to have a sharp knife or a pair of scissors to cut the rope if your partner doesn’t feel like going that far. Also, locate Aid kit and keep all keys from all the locks near you. That is okay, no need to panic just take things slowly after this.
Build it up
Even if you are together into aggressive domination, you can’t go straight to bandage or an hour of spanking. Remember that you are in power to take things slowly and build sexual tension. Domination is all about combining mental turn on with physical actions.
Respect his decisions
If he says stop-word, you must stop. No matter where you are with your pleasure peak. You have to stop whatever you are doing. Your partner should feel safe around you and fully trust you.
Check-in on him and his behavior
Sometimes submissive can not feel that comfortable to say stop-word, or it can be physically impossible if they have a gag toy in their mouth. Always make sure that he is okay. Not every minute though — feel your partner, and it will come up naturally.
Never leave your partner alone
There are a lot of common stories when people were leaving their bondage partners to run to the store or whatever. That is not the way to do things. Sometimes our mind can play dirty games and some could even experience health issues like a stroke, seizure or a nosebleed that would terrify the person a lot. You should always be present in the room.
Take care of each other
It is also important to bond after the scene is finished. Some people prefer hugs, some jump in the shower right away, and some would like to be alone for a while. Whatever it is, it’s your responsibility to provide that comfort as a dominant.
How to be BDSM dominant in bed
Once you become the dominant behind the close door you should stay in your character. You should pay attention and be sensitive to person’s needs yet play it around dominatrix part of you.
It is all about cutting off his ability to move freely and touch you. Even basic tying hands behind his back can give you both the dom-sub connection.
You have all the power and control. You are in charge from the beginning and to the very end. It is up to you to decide what punishments to give and if there is a reward — what that would be.
Sadism is a gratification that is also sexual and expresses to disturb someone else. It can be physical or mental. For example, you can choke him, which is physical sadism, or talk dirty in a sexually humiliating way — that would be mental sadism. Both should be discussed before the scene.
A lot of masochists enjoy pain and find it one of the strongest sexual stimulations because our body can take a lot more than we can think of. The spanking would be a great example of masochism.
How to wrap the scene in the end
You might be living together with a partner or casually see each other. No matter what the answer is — you should make sure they are doing fine. Not only right after but in a couple of days too. Take it as one of your responsibilities of being dominant. A quick lunch date a couple of days later might help to understand how the person is feeling.
We wouldn’t suggest doing it the same evening or morning. Some people would need a day or two for their hormones to settle down. It will be effective for submissive and for you as a dominant as well.
You might feel guilt or experience clouded thinking. It is okay to take some time to settle down. If you or your partner feel odd, it is better to talk to someone — to each other, close friends, or dominant mentors if you have such.
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Common mistakes while trying domination
As a newbie to the whole domination thing, you can face some mistakes on your way. Those are common, and there is nothing to worry about. Just keep them in mind to have a chance to avoid them.
Going from zero to aggressive domination
Domination can be different types as we know by now. If this is your first time or you’ve been doing it for a while, remember to take your time. If the goal is to give a spanking session — don’t jump straight to that. Let him beg for it, build that physical and emotional begging need. When the goal for him as submissive to please you don’t let him eat you right away. Make him earn for it.
Dominating your partner even if he is not into it
If your partner doesn’t want to try it — don’t push. Start with small dirty talk or a good tease. In other words, use gentle domination as it could not be recognized like one. You can’t make someone submissive against their desires. You should be kind and respect his decision.
This one can lead to some simple misunderstandings that could be fixed easily or could turn into serious problems. Hurting your submissive physically or mentally without their consent. Always communicate with your partner to avoid the harm.
Is it normal that I want to dominate my partner?
Yes, that is a completely normal desire for a woman to be dominant. Sexual life can expand beyond your social life. If you feel that you want to try to be dominant, you definitely should.
What if my man doesn’t want to be submissive?
It is okay, and you have to respect his decision. What you can try is to start with gentle domination. For instance, initiate dirty talk or surprise him with simple roleplay — nothing extreme though. Take it slow and see if you are ready to bring the topic again. He might change his mind.
How to react if my partner wants me to dominate him?
First of all, don’t panic. Let him express his fantasies and take your time to consider if you are ready for this yourself. If it is a hard no for you and you don’t see yourself doing it, discuss possible options.
Do I have to humiliate my partner during the session?
Absolutely no unless he asks for that. You can punish and reward him, but humiliation talk should happen only if submissive is asking for it.